Welcome back to my Monthly Musings series. A series in which I began back in October with great intentions, yet the very series, like so many of my great intentions that fell a little off track seeing as it’s six months later. However, I say this with a new found compassion toward myself. I am writing this from Miami where my husband + I are based for a couple of months while I receive a specific + progressive treatment for my health. I’m not ready to go into the details of this in depth yet but two treatments in, I am mind-blown by how I, for almost the past 30 years, was trying so desperately to exist with such high expectations of myself yet with little to no energy mentally, physically or spiritually to reach even a ‘normal’ state of being. It’s complicated + while I’ve shared a lot about my journey thus far in this life, I know that when I’m ready, I’ll continue to share in the hope it might help you or someone you love. However, for right now I’m just keeping focused.
The saying that the longest journey you’ll ever make is the one from your head to your heart feels so apt right now; a saying apt for almost every road in life. I’m having to be brave lately, brave with the solid intention of not so much ‘getting better’ but more maybe finding a new peace within that has been missing my whole life. Being brave to face into things, isn’t about not being afraid as yeah sure there’s fear but I’m finding that when you want something badly enough + reach points that touch on life or death, you’ll step into almost anything to find what works. Keeping doing what’s been done before brings no change. So here goes something new.
And hey beyond the philosophical, it’s my first time in Miami. I had a pre-conceived notion it might be a little tacky or sleazy if I’m honest but I am absolutely in love with the energy here. It’s warm, it’s sunny, the people are friendly, there are trees everywhere + we’re surrounded by the bay on one side the ocean on the other. The outdoorsy way of living in the warmth of the sun is something I’m realising more + more is actually one I love + can absolutely get behind. I usually love the cosiness of Winter along with the wardrobe the colder months require but the might be a new era of my life, the Summer loving one.
Until next time - maybe next month or maybe in six, who knows - I hope that whatever the road you find yourself on in this life you will choose to keep walking, or to crawl when walking feels too much.
