Today something I’ve carried with me my whole life is no longer something I hold in silence or exclusive to the core group of people I love most in this world. I never thought I’d share this part of my life but screw it, it’s time to open up a conversation around childhood sexual abuse + stand up for our children. It’s no longer something to brush under the carpet or shy away from as both an important conversation to be mature enough to have + something that is absolutely a responsibility that lies in our hands, as adults, as something that needs way more attention at every level, here in Ireland + globally. The UN classifies anything around the safety of children under the umbrella of child protection. It’s THAT important.
I believed that sharing my eating disorder article - which you can read here - was the furthest I’d ever go in terms of opening up about my personal life but in sharing it I realised how many others there are who are troubled by different types of mental health issues + when the opportunity arose to speak with my dear friend, mentor Roxie Nafousi, I felt ready to share the entire story. No more shame-inflicting secrets or holding this as a cloud above my head + a darkness in my life. This isn’t ever going to define who I am or what my life is about. It is a part of my life story but it isn’t the entire thing. I’ve got so much ahead + I’m excited to finally be stepping into all of who I truly am, no longer confined to the parts my trauma once held me captive to.
This story isn’t mine alone. It’s the story of so many others who have been been affected by sexual abuse. I am not special + I am certainly not a victim. I have survived. Yes I carry scars + it’s taken SO much f*cking work, ugly unfolding + then a lot of painful healing to get to this moment, this first conversation, so publicly.
Thank you to my dear friend + mentor + someone I’ve been working with on a 1-1 basis on my own personal path this past year, Roxie Nafousi, for creating a beautiful, safe + caring space for me to chat this through with you + hopefully allow anyone out there who walks or has walked the same path I have had to. I can never thank you enough.
I want to say too that there are many beautiful people who have held my hand through my life. My beautiful parents + brother who saw so much of the pain + never left my side. Ever. I love you guys to death. My fiancé Paul who allowed me the space to fall apart + come back together as the strongest version of myself - always loving me no matter what. I love you PH. My best friends who stood so closely by my side + never gave in to my severely negative view of myself, always seeing + loving the parts of me that I couldn’t believe in. And to the therapists who DID help - the wonderful ones who made such a difference in my world. Wow there’s been a lot of bullshit/drama in the time I’ve spent being helped + so, acknowledging those who really did make a loving difference is so important to me. Thank you!
Below you can hear my interview with Roxie. And if you find yourself in a similar situation, no matter your age, please you are not alone. I am here + there is ALWAYS hope, always a light at the end of the tunnel.
